Fear and convenience

     

You call it love.

But it’s clear, it isn’t one.

Fueled by the concoction of this thick syrupy melancholy

Which I drink like poison today.

I see things much clearer now.

You say you are suffocating,

And I can’t find no peace.

Drifting into insanity,

I feel things much nearer now.

You’re mixing things up,

Love and emotions

With fear and convenience.

Singing lies and lullabies,

Are you sleeping in the nights?

Because honey it’s 2 A.M.

And you’re talking to your friends.

And moving to a foreign country.

Choosing a life of misery,

Putting words in my mouth.

So, you tell them to yourself

And comfort your sullen conscience.

Are you sleeping in the nights?

Are you suffocated enough?

With this thing you call love.

Fear and convenience,

You mix in your coffee

As I drink my whiskey

And try to forget it.

Here in my room...

Will you stay with me, here in my room?

You hadn’t seen it before

Because I was ashamed

But now I don’t care.

Do you accept my flaws

Here in my room?

For my shoulders hurt

With the ache of carrying lies on my back.
 

It wasn’t as you expected,

My humble modest room.

But here is where I belong

And where I will turn to dust just as I rose.

 

Will you let me sing

And end the silence of my room?

For the quiet shouts louder

and I can use some sound

 

Well I hope you can take

My reality in my room.

I am done pretending

And stand naked with crumbled walls.

I ran

I ran.

Like I always have.

-----------------------

 

I don’t remember if you were with me or not,

I don’t know if it was morning or the dark,

I just ran and ran too far,

Till it all started to disappear in the past.

 

Driven by the hate with nowhere to turn,

I felt the burn, the warmth and the sun.

 

To taste the poison,

I never had to go too far.

Indulged in your temptation,

I sail on a sinking ark.

 

Till we drown in passion

And forget the truth.

What’s real and what’s a dream,

Blurred lines conceal.

 

At the edge of our memories,

We may find each other again.

In desperation and contempt,

We may excite each other again.

 

But the time is not now,

Not tomorrow, nor soon.

Because now I’ve come too far,

Troubled and desolate.

 I run.

Away from it all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ignorance, yours.

And I hear my heart

Explode silently.

Oblivion is the fate of my love,

Ignorance, yours.

And I cry out my nights

While my soul mourns desperately.

Despair is what I deserve,

Ignorance, you.

And I try to live today

Where I’d die every moment inside.

Agony is what I preserve,

Ignorance, you.

For the love so pure, so evil.

Evil is what I add,

Purity, you.

Unholy

Your lips follow the horizon

But I end on the sidelines.

Falling under the gravity,

Succumbing to the carnality.

I breathe a little more

To engulf your light

And I burn a little inside.

Burning my darkness,

My darkness that I hide.

Unfinished and growing,

Ravaging and unsettling,

Consumed in its passion,

Swirling into the heights,

In this unholy union;

You ravage my dark

And I, your light.

Till we exhale in desperation.

And when,

Once it’s all settled down

And resilient in calmness

It starts again…

The Hate poem

I fell in hate for you.
So sweet and strong,
a pure emotion.
Building up for long,
drowned in its passion,
How I hate you so much.
So full of disgust,
just can't get enough.
Pure devotion,
can melt a stone.
Filled with suffocation,
always keeps me alone.
But darling, there's nothing that I can do,
because I fell in hate for you.
So sweet and strong,
and never ungone...

Serve thy Servants

Hail thy glory!

Lie, shine of which in

Us, losing our story…

Breathing in your aura,

Used to the comfort of shadows.

Sun, lost and long gone…

Hollow fillers,

 Filling the company thy require

Long live the need!

Soaking and sinking,

Ice in our veins.

Leaving us in sleep forever,

Picture perfect, may your dreams be!

Whisper the words of freedom,

Imprisoned, bound

Allured by your halo

Fallen grace

Of a guardian angel, we find.

Shine on!

Live on!

Oh holy majesty

Serve thy servants.

In the name of love

Do everything,

Say anything,

In the name of love,

Use your strings.

Play with the puppet,

And mend him in your direction

Till you find satisfaction.

What good to just adore?

You need it to be proved,

Again and again

To just ease the pain.

Tear him up in pieces

And fill your hollow soul with these.

Change him,

Break him,

And make him in a shape you want him!

In the name of love darling,

Do everything,

Say anything! 

Losing my ground

Descending down from your pace,

I stop to watch myself

Falling from grace.

And I see your relief,

You come over your grief.

Surfacing are your real intentions,

My failing fantasy causes your pretensions.

And as I slowly retire,

You present me with your satire,

leaving me naked even in yards of this attire.

How you’re erasing me with perfection,

Facing a stranger in the mirror,

Who is he in that reflection?

I look up to you,

Sitting on the throne of ice,

You still smile covering all those lies.

In my agony, the rapture that you’ve found,

And your crown with which we all are bound,

I realized that I’m losing my ground.

Gifts in the brown covers.

So, once again this evening settles upon me,

Taking the best of me,

And I end up right back here

Like the setting sun,

Hopeless, exhausted and still lonely.

Burning to shine,
to light the world

But got only the dark,
the night in its fate.

Hush, I take in this evening breeze,

Filled with a hope of a better tomorrow,

A new morning,

Feeding the optimistic in me.

But that’s what I did last evening

And the evening before that,

Bringing each day to the same scene

So, for how long will I be wrapped in this inanity?

All that I do ending in vanity?

Will those fancy papers be always chosen

Over the gifts in the brown covers?

Spellbound

Spellbound,darling you leave me
in the glow of your shade,
bestowing its fate on me.

Unfound
in the silence of your sight,
how can this night feel so right?

For what I want and what I get,
I guess its way too good or I'm just a fool?

But I fall for you,
knowing I might never rise again.
For everything now has changed,
why would I want it to end?
Just to breathe you in
and let you bathe my soul in your essence
and you'd that I bleed in your name.

Still bound,darling you have me,
not just my soul
but all of me.

Drowned
in the aura of your mere existence
and I know it's far from what's right
but I still can't hide...

For what I see and what I feel,
I guess its a mirage or I'm just confused.

Not when I'm sober

Just for tonight my love,
for it, so cold and lonely,
I only want you in the night.
Drunk with the pain,
I can't get through alone.
Like a cotton candy,
swirl around and sedate me,
cradle my soul to rest,
fill me up with that ecstasy.

Just until the morning my friend,
for me,gaining the sobriety,
I only want to wake up alone.
Filled with regret,
I can't face you in the sun.
Like a ghost,
leave me to hate me,
tend my senses to peace,
drinking down that guilt...


I always want you my love
just not when I'm sober.

What's left?

Left are the sediments
the remains of what we had
carcasses of what we once bore

Devoured in the hunger of desires
forgotten in the forests of blames
withered by the accused shames

Left are the words we would say
and that day
the violins will cry
but the tears will dry

Strangers we'll pretend
move on as they say
or shall I say move away?

Left are these lies
the ties on a razor edge
craving to burn,break
sooner they might take

Would we be free in life now
or bound by it??

Confessions of a 'loner'

When there's no voice
only silence that would suffice
the solitude craved by my soul
dipping into the moments alone
in an empty room
with no windows and a closed door

I write an epiphany of stagnancy
singing the choirs of this oblivion
I strike the strings of my reverie

Musing further more
fusing with the stagnant time
I sink into this invisibility
Escape into a dimension
which is my own
unruled, unthreatened and unprone
to the ghosts I carry with me

I see myself on this paper
I hear myself in this sound
dancing with the comforted melody
calming the demons with in me

It's about the moments I breathe
about the moments I forgive
let go of the grudges I harbor
It's about the moments I live...

Apocalypse

The sun that we were waiting for
is now burning us down
the wind drenched in our ashes
dances with the rain of his wrath

Haunted with the miseries of our yesterday
we lie broken on the ground
trying to breathe in that hope
but all we find is this pain, this disdain
red rainbows of blood spattered around
poisoned with the agony of its shame
cracking under the weight of our fears
murdered dreams full of violet tears

With our own hands, we are building our apocalyptic tomorrow
disappearing in that endless shadow of our sorrows...

One last try

One last try
Just one last try!
and I succeed
For that last try
that lets me bleed
the triumphs of my success
Through the path
of demeaning failures
That one last try
never lets me give up
Always brings back
the breath of fresh air
the wish for something more
That one last try
never lets the hope die
and will always tie
myself from breaking
from disbelief and second guessing
which run away
when I hear
that voice saying,
"Come on! just ONE LAST TRY!"

Together

In the oceans they lie
emotions rising up so high

Baby, do you feel it sinking?

Soaking in the sun
drinking down the poison
drifting through the veins
purifying our mortality

Baby, do you feel us burning?

Fuming up in the air
kissing the lonely sun
shattering to melt into one
breathing out this life
to bring into life
this mortality
"together"

Fade away

Darling, as i die tonight
Would you come with me?
Don't just watch me die tonight,
accompany me on this journey.

Leave me with a sign
that I'm not leaving alone,
that numbness is taking over
calming the pain I had grown.

Lights are fading slowly,
I'm losing voices in this silence
taking its toll on my patience

Don't be late today
make a race with time
don't just watch me fade away
walk with me through this night...

My own

To make up this life
I made up this lie
But underneath it all
lies a broken mirror
that reflects so shamelessly
my every failure
From the heights of fears
I dive into
the deepest of regrets
slightly hidden
in a few lonely tears

Drowning
I gasp out for air
that's never there
Suffocating
the carcasses of my dreams
buried in the graves of my eyes

Push me tonight
from the edge of the cliff
to die into success
a reality of my thoughts
Slice me in this night
to burn into the sunlight
Deny me from this world
to make it a little bit more my own...

Bare Minimum

Burnt with water
you might know
to sleep with dead eyes
into a nightmare
and realize you're awake

How many cries can you make?
and for how long?

because the curtains of loneliness absorb everything...

Cut with flowers
you might see
that you don't bleed
from the skin
that tastes like a zombie

How much pain can you take?
and for how long?

because the mocking hands of misery don't feel anything...

Poor with money
sure you have
everything you wanted
but not a thing that you need
all in vain indeed

For how long can you search?
with the bare minimum you are left with?

because my accused nothingness has left you with "nothing"...