To make up this life
I made up this lie
But underneath it all
lies a broken mirror
that reflects so shamelessly
my every failure
From the heights of fears
I dive into
the deepest of regrets
slightly hidden
in a few lonely tears
Drowning
I gasp out for air
that's never there
Suffocating
the carcasses of my dreams
buried in the graves of my eyes
Push me tonight
from the edge of the cliff
to die into success
a reality of my thoughts
Slice me in this night
to burn into the sunlight
Deny me from this world
to make it a little bit more my own...
I made up this lie
But underneath it all
lies a broken mirror
that reflects so shamelessly
my every failure
From the heights of fears
I dive into
the deepest of regrets
slightly hidden
in a few lonely tears
Drowning
I gasp out for air
that's never there
Suffocating
the carcasses of my dreams
buried in the graves of my eyes
Push me tonight
from the edge of the cliff
to die into success
a reality of my thoughts
Slice me in this night
to burn into the sunlight
Deny me from this world
to make it a little bit more my own...
7 comments:
awesome!!
love it! :D
awesome, very realistic buddy..its just got some beauty in its own..loved it... but kno wat, i would say, just expand it, it can be a beautiful balled..:)
@twilight girl...thanx alot...:D
shilpi,thanx...and expand...hmm i'm thoughtless after it..:(..!!
oh my!!
u knw wot u hv begun 2 create lyrical spell...
"the carcasses of my dreams
buried in the graves of my eyes".....
i mean how cud u evn write it??
:O
stil i need 2 say how b'ful it is????... (:
a couple of things unclear. didn't get the line "to die into success."
but the overall poem was good. you wrote it quite well.. I have to say, your one of the best writes I have read. :)
I usually don't highlight lines, but these are the ones I will pick as the best.
Slice me in this night
to burn into the sunlight
now I don't know why.. but I have to say cause of the rhyme. and I like rhyme in a poem..
@ shikha,wow!!what an amazing comment,i'm in its spell..thanx..:D!!
@ mayank,well for the unclarity...i kinda used sum irony...it is supposed to mean kill me of my identity to get successful, like others...if you can know what i mean...and wow...this comment really enlightened man!thanks a lot!glad i could write something good..:)
gotcha!
by the way, I meant to ask, though I missed it in the original comment, I see that you don't use punctuations. is it intentional?
wouldn't it make it a little better, taking regard to the pauses? I was just wondering about that, because I do use them. so.. thought to ask another poet. :)
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