Darling, as i die tonight
Would you come with me?
Don't just watch me die tonight,
accompany me on this journey.
Leave me with a sign
that I'm not leaving alone,
that numbness is taking over
calming the pain I had grown.
Lights are fading slowly,
I'm losing voices in this silence
taking its toll on my patience
Don't be late today
make a race with time
don't just watch me fade away
walk with me through this night...
Would you come with me?
Don't just watch me die tonight,
accompany me on this journey.
Leave me with a sign
that I'm not leaving alone,
that numbness is taking over
calming the pain I had grown.
Lights are fading slowly,
I'm losing voices in this silence
taking its toll on my patience
Don't be late today
make a race with time
don't just watch me fade away
walk with me through this night...
6 comments:
hi.
I read this a few times. in the first read I didn't like it that well. but in the subsequent reads I found the poem fine.
but I feel there was a spark missing. it most probably is because of the structures of the line, or the structure of the poem overall, or the wrong words chosen.
take care of the theme, take care of the choice words, and take care of the structure, or the form of the poem, and the lines too. I know it's not prose, but still that needs to be thought of.
hope it's not a harsh criticism. the write was good, to be honest. somewhat different try from the usual. :)
wow...that was some detail...and thanks mayank...not at all it is harsh...honest,and the fact that the words are wrong...hmmm i don't know...i actually wrote it while singing it....wrote the first things on my mind...with the instinct...didn't reconsider or gave second thoughts...so it is quite raw and not lyrically very great...hence the reason! :)
hey nice flow (:.... its different!!
like it :D
thanx...:D...!!!
it's kinda sad, in a very sad way! but, it still seems beautiful, like you know, in a mysterious kind of way. Like, you know it IS sad, but you still wanna read it again and again!
i love the feeling that i got while reading these lines ........ it is something more than awesome.....
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