3 Days & a "heartbreak"

At the day one
We all had fun
though she wasn't here
& I tried not to care
I hoped for a better tomorrow
To end this weighing sorrow
So i let the day pass
Still finding on the other side,much more greener grass...

Now the second day
Disappointment was still on my way
I hoped her to be with me
But she was lost in all that glee
I tried to be normal
But her concerns were still cold and formal
I wondered the love between us ever existed
Has my clear love in her eyes misted?

Third day and it was all clear
Reality Solidified my fear
It hurt so much to see the truth
Loneliness already started aging my youth
I guess I'll bear this hit
or may be I'd runaway from it
Maybe a thousand pills I will take
But I know nothing will mend this heartbreak...

Let Go

Let the rain fall on my skin
And wash away my sadness
Let it take away my fears
And drain all of my madness

Let me be bodiless
Let the limits be crossed
Because now I'm so painless
Because all the sick time has passed

Let me smell the fresh air
And see the sunrise
My soul is singing
My happiness is a surprise

Let me sleep if it's a dream
Don't tell the truth if it's a lie
Let the moment last is all I mean
Let the tears of my spirits dry

Go away because now I'm going to fly
Out of your reach, into the sky
Don't break the spell because I am in
And let the rain fall on my skin…

It's all I feel

Give me back my pain
I want to feel it again
It's been so long I've been having it
I'm almost kind of addicted to it
So don't try to take my pain
Only it can let my tears rain


Hurt me again
Hurt me bad
Hurt me until I feel something
At least I'd feel something, anything…
I've been being so numb, so alone
Touch me I'm so cold
I don't need your love
I don't need your warmth
I just need my pain again
Only it can let my blood drain

I slit my wrist
But the blood don't come out
It has thickened I guess
And I think it don't circulate anymore
My skin has stoned
So I don't feel a thing
So I'm begging you of my pain
At least I'd feel something again

You try to love me
You better love a statue
I'm a wrap of emptiness
Yeah, that's what I can give you
I don't have a heart
Devil ate it way back
I don't have a mind
So sanity, I'd always lack
Don't waste your time on me
I'm nothing but a hollow shell
Searching for the only thing I felt
Looking for my pain
'cuz I want to feel again

Stronging Deception

Stop looking at me
and afterall what you are looking at
shut those wide opened eyes
or your eyeballs will pop out
and why you are looking at me anyway?
Aint i just an another face lost in the crowd?
or my deception has started to fail
my mask is stripping off
and my put-on face has started to fade?
Have i started to show my reality?
Just stop watching my every move
Don't you see i'm trying to dissolve in the sea of stereotype
I know i don't fit in
But i'm trying to hide
Dont judge me
Dont have an opinion for me
Dont even think of me
consider me to be invisible
If you will see deeply
I wont be able to hide my weaknesses
I wont be able to hide my ugliness
My skin will tear off
and you won't be able to handle the reality...

You are still here...here with me

I close my eyes
it takes me back
Takes me back to the season of sunshine
when you were here with me
It was so perfect
sunrising at the back
orange skies
sunflower field
Birds and butterflies

I can almost smell the fragrance
it lingers on me
the touch of your skin
The sparkle in your eyes
the silk of your hair
your words like a sweet red wine for my ears

Now that you are gone
you are only gone for them
for me,I still have held you tight in me
in the curls of my bed
in the light of the candle
in the sound of my music
in the tears of my eyes
They tell me to move on
Move on from whom?
you still are here
lying so near
I have locked you in my arms
I still remeber how it feels
I still know the taste of your lips
see even time couldnot rob me of this
And they tell me to move on
Move on from whom?
'cuz whenever I close my eyes
It takes me back to that season of sunshine...

Slow Poison

Time goes on as it never stops
But it does not go alone
Along with it take all the fragrance from the flowers
and all the shine from the dying stars that once so strongly shone
Its a slow poison that venomizes everything
Like its killing her
Bereaving her of everything she has
Her spark in her eyes
her charismatic voice
her strength
her life

But i cant see this slow asasination
She's growing old
Her skin is wrinkling
Her knees are aching
I can just watch her getting more and more helpless
more and more dependent
Though she hides her pain very well with a smile
Even i get hallucinated for a while
But she cant betray her child for long
I know she's weakening though she's showing strong

I know her pain
I feel her strain
I see time eating her
She's fading
she's ending
she's is degrading
and i never felt this helpless before time
and neither i can see it anymore
Wish i could just stop it before...
Before it gets too late
Too late for her to hold back her pain
and fall to pieces
and time still goes on
as it never gonna stop

Its Completion!

I can say now
that i can live
Although life couldn't give me
what it shoud give
But now i just have no regrets
No sorries,no lookbacks and no complicated threads
My life is now a night after rain
Not dark,not miserable
But its as fresh as a morning
as new as a dawn
and it smells as good as earth does after rain
And now that i've forgotten all the pain
It's not an end
But a completion

Now I can sleep
with hope for sweet dreams
I've forgotten everything hurting with you like a nightmare
Moreover i've been smiling for an year
I might have become unwelcoming to love
But yeah! I'm so welcoming life
I'm not crying anymore
See my eyes are dry
I really don't cry for the miserable times with you
Instead i relish and cherish all those sweet moments my life painted with you
I genuinly am happy now
I really got no frustration
I can go to bed for my final sleep
and i know its not end
Instead its completion...

A letter to "HIM"

Are you really there?
Do you really exist?
I'm trying to find you in the dark and through this mist
Even if you do,would you still care to feel
I don't even know if you are real
But can it be possible that somehow you know
You understood my heart and you are aware of all my horrors
The fears that are haunting me since i opned my eyes in the morning
But now that its getting dark and hey,i'm still looking for the answers
I cant stop listening to these voices echoing in my head
they tell me i need to run from this unknown strange world before i'm dead


But whom i'm telling all this?
Are you really upthere somewhere?
'Cuz all i can see is this endless sky with no star for me
Do i even exist for you?
Have i made any Journey?
'Cuz now i have walked enough
and i'm about to fade
and i hope you show me the way,i really can't see anymore
and now that its hurting even more than before
My path is about to end but i dont remember if i made any mark for you?
would you able to find me,i really got no clue...
But hell,i still don't know if you even give a damn to care
Who knows if You are even there?

Escaping.....

Escaping...
It never is easy
With the heavy burden of my deeds
I am still walking
I am still smiling
I'm talking
But no one knows that inside I'm burning
Deteriorating with my desires
Longings that i had
Dreams that got thrashed
I dont have any past to look back into and cherish for
My present is always chasing me like a devil hounding for a life
And the future is waiting next door with a razor sharp knife
Even the tears have left my eyes
'Cuz my body has dried up
and my gulit keeps on building like an over-filling cup
I'm always running from the shadows that i see
Even the pills that i took dont seem to work
So i cant go to sleep
I put on a face
Put on a face that gets me through the day
But damn,the night falls again
and every single thing gets repeated
I'm lost,i'm empty and i'm defeated
and ESCAPING...
It would never be EASY....

Sumone from the past

He was angry
and he was crying,
He couldn't smile
though he was trying.

I watched him
and asked out of curiosity
"What's hurting you?"
and then there was a silence for eternity...

Then he looked at me and said
"Whats the use?u also not gonna understand!"

But I understood and somehow I knew
like a part of me was going through a Deja vu.

He did not tell a word
but as if I've seen the whole story
I wanted to help but hell,I'm sorry

'Cuz now I've become a hypocrite
Now I'm just a shell
so I'm hiding the feeling
I so wanted to tell

I wanted to hold his hand
I wanted to hug him
to show that I cared
to tell that it's gonna be fine

So just to show a little sympathy
Thats all could I've done
I went nearer
to have a look clearer
All I found that
It was nothing but my 13'year old mirror...